F*CK ME

I am getting desperate... I am miserable and hate my body... I havent been this high in weight in 3 yrs..... I have started taking every diet pill in my house to try and loose weight.....

which includes carb blockers acai berry pills and ephedra pills.... Ive become desperate and miserable about how fucking fat i am that I have even started smoking again....I also have been purging again any meal i do happen to eat.... barely any of my clothes fit I feel like a round disgusting piece of shit. I hate myself literally..

Im drinking tons of water and trying to eat as little as possible.. I have upcoming auditions and a film thats filming soon and I am dreading it cause I hate my body I cant stand the thought of doing the film at this weight....

PLEASE I gotta get this weight off..... I need all the support i can get ..... I am steps away from bad desicions


seriously I want to die..... except I would never want to leave this fat ass body behind as whateveryone will see as how i looked before death... uhg Im disgusting.....im fat .... I hate myself

time passes

Wow so its been ages since I last bloged.... so sorry... things have been...rough to say the least. I have put on weight when I am soo ashamed of and have been working to loose I have managed to slowly drop a few lbs but am FAR from where I want to be. I start filming in a few weeks and the thought of me being this heavy while filming is driving me insane.....

my goal right now is to loose at least 5 more lbs before filming starts... I have started a very intense work out  regimin and will be doing that along with cutting back on as much food as possible... I have once again started taking Ephedra+caffeine pills to help the wheight lose along and hopefully the combo works....

I am soooo sorry for not being here... there has been alot going on other then the weight gain... which is probably why I gained the weight in the first place.. stress always makes me gain and it sucks....my hrs at work have been cut and I have been trying to find extra work and money where ever i can.

im sorry and will try and get back into blogging and reading up on everyone elses blogs as well...