2 more days

2 more days till I leave for vacation... I magically some how managed to weigh 119 yesterday morning...not sure todays weight as I didn't have time to weigh before work...

if I can manage to stay at 119 before vacation that would be a whole lot better then where I was...

I have barely been eating which isn't good (but then isn't it?) I've also been purging anytime I eat a bigger meal...

at this point I have just given in and let the E.D. take over for now...I am so stressed and down lately that I just gave up ...and right now im ok with that.

hoping for the best for everyone...

Complete fuck up

uhg so I was doing well with this dandelion detox thing managed to get down to 120.2 ...well then I of course go and fuck it up by drinking a shit ton last night and ended up eating salad and pizza.. WTF is wrong with me.... I fully intended on throwing up the pizza after eating it... except literally right as I got done eating my friend showed up...givin that no one I work with knows about my eating issues I couldn't go into the bathroom and ralph...

fuck well after she left in hopes that I could manage to get some up if I drank I proceeded to take shots of vodka.. which didn't end up working tho I was so hung over this morning I threw up what lil stuff I had left in my stomach.. not pleasant

so newho gonna try and make a desperate attempt to keep doing this dandelion tea detox again...possibly everyday till I leave on vacation.... oh man that's a whole other story... I starting packing yesterday and got totally distraught when I tried on a few swim suits and two of the new ones I bought a few months ago don't fit.. my ass and legs are soooo out of shape that I hate how they look in my suits and some of my bottoms are just to tight and create either muffin top or squeeze my butt cheeks out the bottom.. uhg ... who knows if ill even put one on..

right now looking forward to the break from life but not looking forwar to being arounf family, eating and looking disgusting in a swim suit... looks like vacations gonna be filled with a lot of restriction and secret purging

fast approching

Hey bloggers... so yea I know lately I completely suck (in more ways then one) but I haven't been working full time at my job for the past two months which means I don't have interenet access like ever... so I am so sorry for being the worst blogger ever :(

On a worse note.. I am huge... and what sucks is instead of loosing weight before vacation I have managed to gain... I feel like complete garbage....

Im trying with everything in me to eat as little as possible...and Ive been taking two of my ephedra pills instead of one... part of it is work stress and then 3 weeks ago I switched to the Birth Control patch which I think has made me gain a little as well.. :(

I have 15 days till I leave for vacation and I am 10 lbs over weight ( or over the weight I am usually at which is 115)...im devastated and horrified and cant seem to get even the slightest of weight off... I feel horrible in my clothes and don't even want to think about putting on a bikini during vacay...

I know that being at this weight I am only going to stress more not to eat on vacation.. which sucks cause instead of having a good time with family Im going to be always thinking about not wanting to gain or eat....

idk what to do and idk how to get any weight off... hell I would be happy with even 5lbs off before I left....

I have now been completely vegetarian sense march... its going well the few times I took a bite of something with meat I had no interest in taking another... ive completely lost my taste for any meat at all now sense I haven't eatin it... which is great.... starting to think if I slowly cut out other things maybe the same thing will happen...

been taking a B6 and B12 sense Im not eating meat and biotin for my hair and nails...

I just really want to try and loose something.. ANYTHING before I leave.. its consuming me...at work, at home, with friends, anywhere its all I can think about ...how fat I feel how I don't want to put food in my mouth (tho I usually end up doing it any way :( )

going to try and drink as much water as I can in the next week to try and flush out excess water weight and maybe keep me full... gonna try and only make fresh juice is I get too hungry.....

heres to hoping for the best....

lord help me...

I wish all the best for everyone here I am catching up on my blogs and will be  trying to blog as much as I can on vacation too...sense I'm poor and wont be doing much but laying out and trying to relax

Juiceing

So I have started a juice detox/fast today. ..I'm hoping it will help shed some weight... idk how long im gonna do it guess we will see how long i last... I would like to at least do it through the week, possibly longer if i can do it....

Im on my period and sense my insomnia has been acting up i havent had much of an appetite anyways... I just am hating how i look and think i look like the biggest cow ever... yuck...

wwe will see... drank a glass of juice this morning that the husband made.. it was good gonna try and drink lots and lots of water to help keep my belly full so it cant get hungry... being at work will be the hardest sense i work at a resteraunt but im feeling good i can do it...

lets hope i can drop some LBS!

MIA

So sorry i have been MIA for like... ever...

I havent been at work for about two weeks so I havent had any web access...

Things are still rough and yes I'm still a fat ass... Im holding around 121 which is disgusting... I started a new pill and that seems to be helping.. however I'm switching my birth control which i will have to be careful about weight gain due to that.

I have about a month before I go on vacation and I am 11 pounds away from where i wanted to be for that.. :( Im a failure the way I see it...

Im gonna try and get back on track with working out... and as far as eating well... I manage to not eat much i have cut out meat all together and havent had any for about 4 months.

I gotta get my weight down for vacation or else Im just gonna hate myself the whole time... being in florida at this weight is just not gonna do....

I will get down no matter what...I will fast for two weeks if I need to... its gonna happen..

trying to get determined and set these goals... im over being a fat ass

total hate

I am disgusted with myself... totally hating my body..

so I was givin a juicer and am starting a juice fast for 5 days..

starting today...

lets hope i drop i cant handle it

WTF

ok WTF how come all the blogs i used to follow are now all gone.....

when i go to my blogger page it says im not following any blogs... im totally upset and sad that some how they are all gone..

:(