........

I have been failing miserably lately... :( on all levels.... I screwed up and broke down and had cheese a few times... :( along with that I have purged everyday this week so far... depressing I feel like I cant ever do anything right... ive been using liquor as an outlet for how I feel... which I know is soo bad for me and probably killing my insides...

Idk what my weight is today... yesterday it was 118.8 (disgusting) I have been up sense 3:30am and so i didnt weigh this morning cause I tried to sleep untill right before work...

I feel like a failure...whats new right....

I need to pull my head out of my ass and just stick to it... I actually just want to stop eating all together .... to be honest i wish I could throw all the food in my house away.. tho then the hubby wouldnt have food to eat.... I need to start fresh and just stop this nonsense....

I bought rasberry keitone pills the other day... gonna see how those work on weight lose and appitite supressants... your supposed to take them with food....screw that....

I have a swimsuit event on the 15th....which is in like 10 days.. I know Im still gonna feel like shit about myself but lets see if I can drop a few and not be the fattest cow there...