desperation

Alright so Im getting desperate at this point... I need to loose some weight befor i go completly insane.

So I am thinking of getting some diet pills with ephedra..I have taken them before ... I would love any suggestions on some pills that work.. that actually help drop weight or kill appitite....

I have been working out here and there and still look like a jiggly fat cow. I am just getting so over welmed, I have a ton of shit going down in my life and I just want to loose weight so at least one thing can be right in my life....

I was looking through some old photos on facebook from when i was 115 and i just almost cried.. I want that flat tummy back... I hate everything about my body right now...

puffy stomach...
thick thighs...
saddle bags...
love handles...
back fat...
jiggly arms....
fat..
fat...
FAT!



Any suggestions on ephedra diet pills would be appriciated..please....i cant take this anymore :(...

worst blogger

I feel like the worst blogger right now ever.... Im sorry I have been MIA for ever... :( things have been one battle after another lately all revovling around my hatred for myself...

idk what my weight is right now... last time i weighed it was 122.4 I feel disgusting and when i look in the mirror i see nothing but gain.. :( I have decided to stick with being a vegitarian after seeing some documenteries and going to a vegatarian/vegan expo i dicided i want to limit my part in all the mess of how animals are treated.

i dont like how things go down in those slaughter houses..with that me and the hubs have decided to no longer eat at fast food places.

I also am trying to limit my dairy intake as well... idk if i'll ever go full vegan but i want to eat less dairy too..

hoping this will help in my weight lose...I have started to sub drinks like diet soda and energy drinks for my meals... i just want to eat as little as possible...

work got me so upset last night that i came home took shot after shot and ended blacking out..hubs had to put me to bed and i have no idea how the night went down..

im so ashamed of myself and how i let go but im trying so hard to get back on track

I've been doing the 30 day sqaut challenge and i am half way through.. its getting really tough.. i also started doing this all over abs routine too

i have to buy bikinis for a new ring girl jobs and so i bought some on ebay all smalls it will force me to lose sense i hate wasting money if i buy it i have to wear it

newho sorry again for being a bad blogger.. im trying to get my head out of this funk so i will want to post more

absolute distruction

hey fellow bloggers... sorry its been so long sence i have blogged.. I have been keeping up with reading but just have been in such a down and distrought state I havent had it in me to post.

things have just been one disaster after the other.. i feel I have no self control anymore.. I hate myself and my body.. I cant look in the mirror without feeling disgusted...

I'm trying to eat less and less everyday...kind of ease into it insted of just stopping eating all together.. which never seems to work.. I have started to work out again and have decided to stop eating meat all together. Im taking whatever diet pills I can find in my house..

I seriously just cant stand myself.. last time I weighed I was back up to 120 and wanted to die.. that was a few days ago and I havent been able to get back on the scale.. I fear its higher... Im consintly trying to move so Im burning as much as possible along with working out at least once a day sometimes twice...

the weather doesnt help its been so shitty outside and it hasnt gotten much warmer... once the weather is warm I will be able to keep myself out of the house by walking the dog and going for my afternoon walks..

I just cant remain this way...i have to loose and im not giving up.. not this time.. its time to just do what I need to..