Wow...so this will be my first post in a little over a year..my last post stated i would be leaving my day job there for i wouldnt have interent access, which is pretty much what happend.....so much has happened in the past year and most of it not very good.
So lets see i was working late nights at a club which ws great money but after a while it became very stressful to deal with the type of men that go to those places. I began drinking every time i worked and even sometimes before leaving for work just so id feel ok going in. All the drinking and late night eating and sleeping in till 3pm from being up late i started to gain weight...i never got to see my husband and things got very hard.
I worked there a total of 9-10 months before having a complete panic attack vefore work one day and quit. My husband didnt mind me working there but told me my health was more important and he wanted to see me not so depressed. During the time i worked i saved up alot of money in hopes me and my husband would move, then another twist got thrown in life...
I had several appointments which led to some ultrasounds which lead to a laparoscopic surgery where i was then diagnosed with Endometriosis. I had a small endo cyst on my right fallopian tube and then endometriosis scar tissue connecting my left ovary and fallopian tube to my bowel and colon wall.
In order to fix all this i would have to start treatments which included a once a month injection for six months that would basically send my body into a medically induced menopause. These injections cause me to have all the symptoms of menopause including hot flashes, sweats, mood swings and yes weight gain.
Now i started these treatments in september 2014 when after quitting my job in august i had gained and weighed a dreadfull 126:( well a month after starting the injections i gained and was up to 129...i began feeling more and more awful i spent most my days at home since i didnt worj anymore and have all the medical issues. By december i was up to 133 and hated myself. It was becoming hard for me to restrict because of my moodiness and change in hormones. I stopped weighing because i got so depressed and became so afraid of what the scale would say...in the mean time i was put back on anti depressants along with sleep aides because the hot flashes kept me up at night. And my husband moved into a different job in hopes to make more money for my medical bills, which while he is transitioning we have been low on money forcing us to use what we saved for moving
So then here we are...in January i had my 5th injection which meant i also met with the doctor totalk about my next surgery and everytbing that will happen to remove the scar tissue. I showed up and unlike the other aappointments they decided to weigh me...i was terrified as i hadnt weighed in months...i stepped on the scale(granted i had clothes on and hadnt #2ed in two days) i looked at the weight and held back tears liyerally...it read 142....i almost died...
The doctor and i talked about my next surgery and also decided since im 28 and married that during the surgery we should also test my tubees to make sure they are open.
So since then jan5th i have been in a complete spiral...finding out my weight has sent me into a total rage...ive been eating next to nothing ...ive been purging one to three times a day...ive been working out and started zumba once a week too.
Im completely disgusted with myself in allowing me to get this size...i never wanted to be above 130 let alone 140...since the appointment and basically going nuts i am now down to 134. My goal is to at leas get into the 120's before my surgery in March. Ive bought a new diet/caffiene pill to go along with workibg out...ive never been a huge purger but lately i hate myself so much i will get up anything i eat thats not a vegetable.
So now that ive wrote a book about the past year...i hope everyone else has been doing well ive been trying to cath up on blogs
I will be trying to keep up with writing more as an outlit to help me get back to my old self
<3 thin to the end
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