I feel like I am over and over again purposely messing up... not with my E.D. but with life...
so many things I care not to discuss...but I just keep on doing the same things ... even tho I know they are wrong or not good its like a compulsion I cant help but keep doing it....even if it means ruining my life...
WTF is wrong with me....
I weighed a few days ago at 121.8... fat ass
I need to just stop this nonsense, I work so much and tho I don't eat a whole lot I have been basically fueling myself with energy drinks.... literally... the past two days I have had 2 16oz energy drinks and 2 8oz red bulls at work... I go to sleep between 3:30am and 4am most nights because Im at work till 3am....
I honestly wish I could just never eat.. I need to work out tho working two full time jobs right now has me soo exhausted any time im not working that I cant move enough to do any workouts...
I have about 3 months till my birthday and my goal is to be down to 112 by then... so right now my first goal is to be 115 by the end of oct.
I have to do this ....I am just realizing how much happier I am when the only thing I focus on is my weight.... when the food and weight and pounds and scales are all I think about then I cant get into trouble with other parts of my life....
so that's it... my main focus is weight lose and work... nothing else
I understand what you mean about how the rest of your life seems together when you only focus on your ed. I feel the same way. Sending you hugs.
ReplyDeleteXOXO