Im soo fed up right now....
Im doing horrible I feel horrible and of coarse my weight is not doing what I want... my bday is saturday and im not near what I want to be.. my weight keeps jumping around for no reason...
monday I barely ate and threw up.... it was a rough day to say the least...
Tuesday weight was back to 122.4... better but not exactly what I hoped.. worked both jobs so no time to eat much.. had a small slice of italian bread and a rockstar..worked till 1:30 and came home ate a piece of bread with a smear of mayo and cheese....
Today.. FUCKING PISSED!! my weight was 124.0 WTF how in the hell do i jump from 122 to 124 when i barely ate at all.... the only thing i cant think is im retaining water from being at work all day and not being able to drink....either way I was soo upset that I went out and bought two bottles of laxs this morning before work....already took about 8... i havent been taking laxs because i havent been eating much and purging most everything.. but ive gotten so annoyed i couldnt help it
i have 3 days till my bday and 4 till I have a big photo shoot.. and right now im not wanting anything to do with either....I dont want to celebrate... I feel like theres nothing to celebrate... what me being a giant fat ass...great...
and I know Im gonna have to purge alot on saturday cause of meeting and going with ppl places for my bday....
just lock me away...
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