Sorry to all. I know I havent updated in sooo long. I was out of work for about a week and a half and had no internet access.
not much has changed.. well some things have.. I ent on a weekend with my hubs and it was very much needed ...relaxing and such.
I had a doctors apointment last week and discussed some things with my doctor and he decided to switch my medication that I take for anxiet and depression. So far I am feeling better.. in the sence that I am not sad all the time and am not just crying over every little thing that happens....
bad thing is that I havent been sleeping well since I started it...one of the side effects is insomnia.. which I already had a mild case of it anyway but for the past month had been doing better...well since starting the new meds I havent gotten a full nights sleep in 4 days... I wake up anywhere between 3 and 5 and then cant go back to sleep... it sucks but hopefully it fades...
I am sadly stuck back at the disgusting number of 124....I hate it with all my being....dispite not being so overwlemed with saddness I still feel such hatred towards my body.... the past week and a half I have been eating one meal a day (usually dinner) and even that is small. I have been slowly cutting more and more stuff out of my diet....I have been basically living off energy drinks.. I have one everyday and then eat a small meal at night and if I can I dont eat at all. the energy drinks mixed with my meds(which also make me a bit sick to my stomach as a side effect) keep me from getting hungry... by the time dinner comes I'm barely hungry for anything...
I go on a vacay in august and am determined to at least get back down to 115 before then... luckily my husband is wanting to work out and eat "right" and so thats helping cause then i dont feel pressured to eat as much... I just hate being this high in weight.. its quite disgusting.
on a plus note i have not purged since before going on my mini vacay weekend... I am proud but still fight the urge to purge anytime I eat....I want to kick that habit and not purge again... I unfortuantly am still stuck on the laxs tho... but have cut back how many i take... so slowly getting there... that fact that I'm stuck back at a weight I despise so much tho is making it really hard...
for those still keeping up with my blog thanks and i ppriciate everything... I will be back to posting everyday except weekends.
love you all and thanks I know I was such a downer two weeks ago but I am feeling much better (that is sad wise)
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