So idk what it is.. could be that the scales where up this morning.. which i expected... could be the weather...could be that Im pissed at life right now...could be that i feel bloated and disgusting but I have NEVER wanted to be thin SOOOOO bad then I do right now... well i take that back cause back in college I wanted it badly but got closer then ever to achieving my goals....
but idk today I have just been thinking thin all day.. I want it I need it.. I miss it....
I hate my body I dont care much for my life right now... all I want is to be skinny again... I drank two cups of detox tea this morning and just got done with an exercise ruetiene that I will probably repeat later when Im home from work......most likely twce
I am tired... Im tired of being fat and feeling so disgusted with myself that I dont want to look at my own reflection... Tired of seeing friends and family members skinnier then me and being envious and wishing I looked like them... Tired of struggling and not loosing...
I'm tired of being someone Im not to please those around me.. Im tired of eating cause I "have" too
So you know what.. Im done!
I am gonna do what I do best and thats restrict.....purge...over exercise...be skinny or at least do everything I can to get there...Im gonna go back to being the person i know best the person that makes me happy .. the person that gets me closer to my goals...
I want ppl to look at me once again and say youve lost weight or you look good.. or wow your so skinny... I want it!
Today is for me! Im done doing things for others
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