Wednesday, November 14, 2012

A tea day

So back to work FINALLY!!! Im happy to be back its way easier to control my food intake when Im working. Im still stuck at my dreaded 125 mark... I injured my tail bone over the weekend and so its a bit sore still. but I am determined to get back to normal... we have like 9 days till thanksgiving and I am not at the weight I would prefer before a holiday... I would like to get back down to 120 by thanksgiving so thats what im gonna try and do in 9 days.... its been miserable inside my head lately... like I dont want to look at myself nor do i want anyone else looking at me.... I try and not let it get to me but it does... and I know it gets to my husband... sometimes I think he just doesnt care or want to deal with it anymore so he just lets me do whatever... other times i think he literally just doesnt know what to do... my husband is very aware of my issues...sometimes I think he maybe doesnt know the severity.. but other times I think well he really cant be that blind not to see it... he knows i use laxs..a lot... he knows I dont eat much and that if he isnt there i probably am not eating much,..he also knows I purge... the only thing with that is weather or not he knows how much i purge... its a bit shameful for me.. I know im f'ed up and that i should try more to be normal insted of just indulging in this side of things... but part of me cant take the weight gain and food intke when I try and let go and be "normal"... I love thanksgiving its one of my fav holidays.. the smells and tastes of my moms cooking is wonderful... tho theres a big part of me that gets more and more anxious knowing its getting nearer and that on that day so much family will be there and I wont be able to purge after eating... the stares and looks if I dont eat a decent amount... but Im trying to push those thoughts aside and just focus on losing weight before then. Im drinking tea and water all day to try and get any extra water weight out, I've had a qaurter of a sandwhich and dont plan on eating dinner. stay strong everyone... holidays are hard
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2 comments:

  1. Katie ElizabethNovember 14, 2012 at 3:17 PM

    So much anxiety over Thanksgiving. I love the fact that family gets together, but why does it have to be over food, lol. Good luck on your weight loss before then. Stay strong.
    XOXO

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  2. AnonymousNovember 15, 2012 at 4:23 PM

    My bf is the same, he knows he just ignores it. He probably doesn't realise the severity, because I don't tell him, but I also think, like you said, that he just doesn't care or want to deal with it. Sorry to hear you stressing so much about the holidays, I hope it all works out <3
    Alice xx

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