some one please just kill me now

Fuck I couldnt blog yesterday due to I hate myself.... weight was upp to 126.. WTF HOW!!??!?!?! I didnt weigh today.. I just couldnt... Im not looking forward to tmrw and already planning on purging thanksgiving dinner... just have to find the right time to do it... I hate myself right now.. I hate how clothes feel on my body I hate how I look in the mirror I hate the damn fat ass number on the scale.. its disgusting... I start training for my new job on saturday and am excited having two jjobs will mean no time at home to eat no time for food and because Im poor I never have money to buy food anyway... Im just... in the worst mood.. I hate my life and just want for once to be back down to the weight I used to be... I cant wait for this stupid fat ass week to be over...