work work work...

I have been MIA.... I have been training like crazy for my new job.... i havent weighed in days ..mainly cause im nervous...I havent been eating much because Ive been crazy busy I take my test today for work this will determine if i actually start working the job on saturday when we open... Im freaking I have been studying all night but I have bad anxiety when it comes to tests... like BAD so im really hopeing i do ok... the running around and everything does help with the eating Im hopeing to keep up with it.. Im actually looking forward to having a more fast paced job where I can get away with not eating and dont have ppl concerned with it.. I have about two and a half weeks till my birthday... i KNOW Im not close to what I wanted to be... I was hoping for 110 HAHAAHAA yea right fat ass... Ill be lucky if I can get to 115 by then.... if all goes well the next couple of days I plan to weigh in on thursday... I start work saturday if I pass my test and lets at least hope for 125... the uniforms are more then revealing... sigh why do i do these things to myself.... at least keeps me very motivated.. everytime i want to eat i think of one of the WAAY skinny girls ill be working with and how fat I'll look next to them... usually keeps me from putting anything in my mouth... i gotta get it together.... being this giant is unacceptable..