FML

I am still at 125.. I feel like a complete failure.... I have been restricting and drinking water aand doing everything possible and I cant seem to lose... its upsetting me soo much to know that thanksgiving is almost here and I am still at 125... Im a cow. knowing this is making that lil voice telling me to just risk it and purge on thursday, more and more reasonable. theres no way I can digest the food Im going to have to consume on thursday when i am this big...no way! i work all day and am planning on stopping by the drug store to get laxs for that day the only thing that sucks is that I have to work EARLY on friday which means the laxs are gonna kick in at work if I dont plan right and take them at the right time... I cant handle his.... Im drinking detox tea and have brought 3 other teas with me to work to get me through the day... I dont plan on eating dinner... Im hoping by the time i get home my husband will have already ate and wont ask me to join him. tmrw I have a busy day but unfortunatly a pizza party for the new job i got... I wont be eating any.. tho i love pizza being in a room full of skinny girls will help me keep from eating.. I plan on bring a large bottle of water with me and just water logging to keep me full. Im so depressed lately ....I stopped my meds due to they are causing my insomnia to be worse and with my stress level being so high i cant handle the stress and no sleep so i cut my meds.. im doing alright without them... i have a "friend" to talk too which helps alot... can i please just sleep through thanksgiving please