So Im feeling better..as in im not as sick anymore... tho I feel shitty still about how I look...whats new..
so the weekend went alright.. tho my weight dropped here and there i binged and purged and I know I shouldnt have...
last time I weighed which I believe was sunday morning I was down to 116 from 117.4 on friday... tho I know unless I can hold that weight for a while ....I know its really water weight from the purging...
I didnt weigh this morning because I started my period and was angry about it and so I just left for work... debating weighing inbetween my two jobs today when i go home to shower.. tho I hate weighing in the middle of the day...
I have been uber stressed out lately and it shows.. I feel like I look worn down... I have 5 days till a big photo shoot and I really just want to stay at this 116 weight.. or better if i can get to 115 by sunday fabulous.....
of corse in order for that to happen I would literally have to eat like nothing for the next 5 days..which I couldnt possibly pull off considering today I have had a tiny half a turkey sandwhich on one small piece of homemade bread...gotta work tonight so wont be eating then...work all day tmrw and thursday work friday morning and saturday morning...idk its possible ...lets see if I can live off diet coke and water for the next 5 days...
what sucks is even down in weight i feel my body just looks f'ed up... its so idk not right... lumps and curves where they shouldnt be I have like this dreaded underwear crease right below my pelvic bone before my giant hips...even if i dont wear underwear its still there...disgusting i hate it i feel like a weird alien.. no matter what i do im just never right...
ok so challenge for the week set....little to no food....hopefully none at all...till sunday...
Good luck on your goal. A photo shoot sounds awesome. I understand what you're saying about weighing in the middle of the day. I hate it. Hope all goes well. And don't worry, you're not a weird alien.
ReplyDeleteXOXO